It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
