When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize