Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
