We're facebook friends in real life
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
