Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
