some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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