I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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