you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
