Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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