so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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