Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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