I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
