Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
