Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
