did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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