So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
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You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
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You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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