you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
