I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
