Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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