Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Randomize
