I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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