even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
