I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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