i just had sex bonerless
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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