took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
