he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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