You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
