awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
