So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
