So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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