We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
