Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just invented taco cereal.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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