Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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