I must be too annoying 4 u.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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