mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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