Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
its liver damage thursday
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
