If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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