Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
soo... how was my night?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
