i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
