I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
