I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
