Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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