you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
