I seem to have left my pride at pride
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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