The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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