Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
