Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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