The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
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Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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