"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
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I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
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if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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