I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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