I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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