quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
