Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
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I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
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As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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