Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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