got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
