just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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