I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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