Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
