Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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