grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
