what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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