I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I look better un-naked...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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