OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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