I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.