1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
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you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
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I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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