I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
