I am full of burrito and curiosity
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
