Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
